The Pastor’s Piece – August 24, 2024

By: Kevin Cernek – Chaplain

FCFI

August 25, 2024

I’ve been a pastor now for about 31 years and we’ve had a lot of unique experiences along the way – mostly at weddings but a few have happened at other events too. For instance, there was one time when a couple were visiting family in Missouri and the husband passed away unexpectedly. His wishes were to be cremated, so his wife had him cremated in Missouri and she brought his ashes back to Illinois. But when she arrived in Illinois, the funeral home called and said they had given her the wrong urn. I don’t know how that could happen, but they got him mixed up with another guy and ended up driving all the way up here to deliver the proper remains to the family.

During regular church services on Sunday morning, we’ve had a few people pass out over the years. One time somebody called 9-1-1 and when the paramedics arrived, they carried three people out before they got the right one, (that’s a joke). Seriously, four or five times we’ve had people pass out from medication complications or seizures. It’s difficult to keep the service going after something like that occurs, so we just wrap it up, pray for the injured person, and go home.

One time during a wedding, everything that could go wrong, went wrong. To begin with, I accidentally double-booked two weddings on the same day at church, so we had to move one to the next week. The bride and groom weren’t bothered by it, but for some reason, their families were. On the big day, one of the groomsmen got cold feet and decided not to show up – and didn’t bother to tell anyone. He just didn’t show. A bit of panic unused as the hour for the ceremony approached, but he was replaced with one of the ushers and all was well.

During the wedding itself, we accidentally skipped over an aunt who was supposed to sing a special number. At the back of the church immediately after the ceremony, she came up to me and asked, “When do I get to sing my song? I was awake all night because of nerves.” I felt terrible. I suggested she sing at the reception, but she thought that would be awkward and chose not to. During the ceremony, one of the bridesmaids had a spell of some sort. All of a sudden she put both of her arms straight out, and sort of flapped them up and down, then waddled like a duck across the stage in front of the groomsmen and then collapsed. The groomsmen all just stood there, frozen, as they watched in disbelief. Finally, the mother of the bride jumped up and caught her just before she crumbled in a heap on the floor. A few seconds later, she came-to and was ok. Then, during the exchange of the vows, the microphone suddenly went dead and no one could hear. And finally, on the way to the reception, the wedding cake collapsed in the delivery van. All that, and the couple are celebrating their 20th anniversary this year!

At another wedding, when it was time for the unity candle-lighting, the bride and groom each took their respective candles which were burning during the whole ceremony, and when they went to light the unity candle they tilted their candles and doused the wick of the unity candle, burying it about an inch deep in hot wax, making it impossible to light. That was a bummer. We tried digging it out with our fingers but the wax was hot – like boiling point hot – so we were unsuccessful. I needed my pocket knife, but didn’t have it on me. Finally, we abandoned the idea of lighting it altogether and moved on. That couple has been married for close to 20 years.

Another time, the bride showed up an hour and a half late for her own wedding. It was rather bizarre. She called about 10 minutes before the ceremony and said had gotten delayed at the hairdresser, but she would get to the church on time. The pianist was already playing and the guests were seated. After about 30 minutes she ran out of music and motioned me over and asked what she was to do? I suggested she start over. She kept starting over for the next hour and a half. Eventually, the bride arrived. Remarkably, they have been married for over 20 years too. These are good lessons on why not to believe in superstition.

One of our most memorable experiences happened just a couple of weeks ago when we had two people baptized in the Pecatonica River. I’ve baptized a lot of people, but never in the river. My wife has childhood memories of fishing and swimming in the Pec and she warned me that there were some big catfish in that river – some have been known to grow as much as 4 to 5 feet long. A few years ago, a friend took me with him in his boat when he checked his bank poles. He had caught some pretty good sized snapping turtles on several of his lines. When it came time for the baptism, I didn’t mind going down into the water, I just didn’t want to have a snapping turtle take a chunk out of my behinder. But even so, the next Sunday after church, about 100 of us congregated on the bank of the river and the ones being baptized gave a short testimony, and we went down into the water and they were baptized. It was an amazing event on a very beautiful day. Traffic even stopped on the bridge and random passersby witnessed the occasion. God is indeed good.

(Kevin Cernek is Lead Pastor of Martintown Community Church in Martintown, Wisconsin).