Is Equal What’s Right? Dividing Your Estate Among Children – by Barnabas Foundation

When it comes to planning your legacy, many parents assume they should divide everything equally—giving each child or grandchild the same amount, in the same way. It feels fair. It feels simple.

But equal doesn’t always mean right.

Estate plans built strictly on equality can sometimes lead to unintended consequences—causing confusion, frustration, or even long-term damage to relationships and finances. Every family is unique, and your estate plan should reflect that.

Why “Equal” Isn’t Always Best

Consider this:

• One child may be financially responsible, while another is more impulsive or overly generous.
• A grandchild might have special needs that require lifelong care.
• One heir may be investing in their education or raising a young family, while another is financially secure.
• You may be passing on a family business or farm that demands specialized skills, time, and capital to continue operating.
• Some children or grandchildren may have ungodly values, which could be a factor in deciding on the allocation of inheritance.

In these situations, an equal distribution could actually be unwise—or unfair to those with greater responsibility or need.

Designing a Legacy That Reflects Your Values

So, how can you create a legacy that honors God, blesses your family, and protects your intentions?

Here are four key principles to guide you:

1. Think Big Picture

Start by seeking God’s wisdom. Reflect on your purpose for creating a plan in the first place:

• How can you continue to teach, equip, and protect your loved ones after you’re gone?
• In what ways might your legacy strengthen relationships or encourage faith?
• Are there Kingdom causes you want to support beyond your lifetime?

Let your distributions reflect the same beliefs and core values that guided your life.

2. Seek Wise Counsel

Talk with a trusted advisor—ideally, one who understands and shares your Christian worldview. They can help:

• Explore planning options that fit your goals.
• Identify tax-wise giving strategies.
• Ensure more of your resources go to the people and causes that matter most to you.

3. Document Your Plans

Even the most thoughtful intentions can fall apart without a legal foundation.

• Write it down: Work with an attorney to create or update your will or trust.
• Share the details: Make sure those who will carry out your plan know where to find your documents and understand your wishes.

4. Communicate Openly

Few things cause more confusion—or conflict—than an unexpected inheritance plan.

• Consider hosting a family meeting to share your heart and outline your intentions.
• This act of transparency will spare your loved ones from uncertainty and potential division later on.

Build a Plan That’s More Than Fair

Don’t settle for an estate plan that’s merely “equal.” With thoughtful prayer, professional guidance, legal clarity, and honest conversation, you can create a plan that’s not just fair—but right.